Collective Tale is a forum game created by FuriousHedgehog after TurretBot jokingly proposed it be created in Chat "Room" v3. The game revolves around multiple users creating a story, much like the Twatter Story games; however unlike those games, it can be dropped mid-sentence—even mid-word—and picked up by the next post.
Mariofan064 created an audiobook version of the story up to Page 7 (Link). It is also mentioned in the story.
Please note that paragraph breaks have been added to the below compilation.
Page 1 Edit
Once upon a time There was a man named Edd, and he was walking on a very oriental sacred place and he found a dancing elephant which told him to eat baby kittens to which he replied that the elephant is a sick and cruel person. So then the elephant is a person.
The surprise in the package is that the elephant went to Harvard for four years. It was a liberal arts major, however, and only had the funds to yell to Edd to enter in the steam group chat and he just couldn't control his power of your mind so he fucked Himself into a very, very deep stupor. He saw a large lion walk up to him, so he screamed "EEEEAWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAE!" The lion circled the elephant (let's call him Trevor) for hours, and no help arrived. He felt a deep helplessness; a feeling that there was no hope he would leave this situation alive. The lion bit Trevor's ankle. He was dead; there was absolutely no way he could survive this now.
Miraculously, he got up and ran as fast as he could, hoping to leave the lion. She (though the lion could have been a juvenile male. Trevor never studied these sorts of things.) easily caught up to him. Trevor kicked the lion, mortally injuring her. Unfortunately, he tripped, and died. His funeral was held two weeks later on March 3rd, 2012, when a potato gained sentience, causing a ultra nuclear bomb to launch, and this ultra nuclear bomb can destroy the whole universe, so Glados had to install a giant pellet catcher, which succeeds.
But the bomb is now stuck to the planet, so a termite came and complained of his unbelievably smelly odor. He Runs away from his smelly grandma, and he go into the smelly house of his smelly grandma accidently, who bakes him some smelly cookies. but it turns out that smelly!grandma is actually the legendary creature YO MOMMA and brody are now here, and say a yo mama so old joke which caused everyone to groan so hard that they died. Then the pellet catcher suddenly turned
A portal was opened just kidding it stayed closed until 6 AM on Monday when it was still closed. Then it opened... just to close like two seconds later. and Gaben appeared, and hes angry because nobody given their wallet, so he slipped in a puddle of literature, causing a stock market crash in full pieces and garfield comic strips which often murder innocent people. Then magicpillow killed somebody by his face, and his face are bleeding, so he called medic by screaming "MEEEDEEECK!!!111!", and medic come and hacked up MagicPillow with his Ubersaw.
Then, with 1 HP left, MagicPillow danced. People came from miles around to see him dancing with TurretBot and B-Man99. Edd rode in on his horse, Mr. Ed, and threw a medkit at MagicPillow, healing him. Then Edd hit a cat, and the cat punch Edd into the BattleBlock Theater,
Page 2 Edit
which he did not like so he left a negative review.
In response, the cats created an even grander and deadlier performance. Edd decided to run away but he can't run because his foot are glued on the ground for no reasons, and the cats accidentally commited suicide so he's just stuck there forever. meanwhile his horse tripped on a banana peel and accidentally created the destruction of everything.
The government then called in five years, but 4 years later but a giant burger squashed everything, and Edd was still alive because he was just next to the burger, and for no reasons unglued, then he eat the giant burger because he was starving, "I can only control myself each eleven years, this is my chance to get rid of those forum posters who control the universe and-" he thought, for some reason, then his antivirus software caught it and put it in the chest. He no longer had to worry about it. Of course, that won't last long, because this is clearly foreshadowing (unless it's fauxshadowing).
Edd decided to go on the old very oriental sacred place, that he found 4 years ago, then he found it, but then he realized that he had died already back in 2012 (✞ RIP Edd Gould). His dear friend Tom, however, does not exist. His other dear friend, Daniel, also does not exist. Edd, whose last name is actually Jackson, cursed at his horse for slipping on a banana peel and creating a giant burger that destroyed everything. "It was delicious, though," he told Mr. Ed "now just to destroy those pesky forum members. Hey, wait a minute..." He had suddenly realized that all of the forum members were already dead; including, but not limited to: himself, Mr. Ed, Trevor, Mari0_Player, TurretBot, QwertymanO07, Tecminer, Julien12150, Wary, 0>0, and FuriousHedgehog... and Steven! So he decided to go to the main resurrection chamber, to bring them back to life. Sure, it would be hollow and unsatisfying, but he figured it was better than nothing at all.
Just after he revived them, the forum member named "0>0" pulled out a dispenser! Oh wait second, that mean 0>0 is Engineer confirmed!! Anyways, he pulled out a dispenser and placed it next to a Combine turret. Unfortunately, the turret was allied with Edd, so it shot at 0>0. He jumped out of the way, and the bullets missed and hit Qwerty. A funeral was then held for Qwerty despite the fact that nobody ever does that in the world. A random Medic that does a russian dance come and accidently dropped a medikit with a 1-up mushroom that go into Qwerty's grave, and suddenly he appeared from nowhere with the 1-up sound.
Sudwenly turet czame b\ut every one didn't care so dcszhudfgtty'cvnp; home nisd deaddgfvhb but theN TOM WENT TO THE HOTEL AND PLAYED HOTEL MARIO AND DIED IN THE GAME AND ALSO IN REAL LIFE!!1! He did not exist in either, making him double-dead. Everyone was spooked by this and hid in their grandmother's house for 50 years before Tutankhamun rose from his grave as a mummy, and killed everyone. When he went to kill Qwerty, he was ready for Tut, and set up an ambush for him. Then Qwerty said some lame one liner and charged at Tut, but the slipped on a banana peel and fell on a spike.
Tutankhamun was after his next target: Inkling. Tutankhamun failed though, because of the power of kids, squids and squidkids. Meanwhile, Mario holding a portal was running around in the desert and met The classic boss, GLaDOS. Mario then was killed by GLaDOS' deadly neurotoxin. Inkling teleports in from the power of kids, squids and squidkids. She then shoots 1 drop of ink on GLaDOS, killing GLaDOS. Inkling teleports away again.
Meanwhile,in America, a hamburger had dropped from a table. Sašo, undercover as a Canadian tourist, stole it in the blink of an eye, and war broke out in the burger joint. There were gunshots, bombs dropping, and name calling. The battle raged on for weeks, until eventually Sašo escaped with the hamburger. America had lost that long and bloody battle.
As Sašo moved through desert, he encountered a facility. Inside was the corpse of what appeared to be GLaDOS. He wondered what horrible thing could have caused this. Suddenly, King Tut burst through the ground and attacked Sašo. He took out his revolver and shot Tut three times, but it hardly fazed him. He ran for the door, but tripped. When he reached it, Tut was standing between him and the door. He dove behind Tut and slammed the door behind him, locking Tut in. Just before he could celebrate, the American military killed Tut. Inkling then killed the whole military from every country in the world. She then teleported away again. She teleported back again for Sašo. When she arrived, he switched to the scan visor and scanned her.
|A new [Creatures] entry has been added to your logbook.|
"Questionable Space Jam mashups for your game exist," Sašo stated, somewhat randomly; But the inkling was uninterested in that statement as it was actually just Idiot playing Splatoon as this inkling. He was streaming, and all he could say was "IZ DAT SAZO?" The Inkling then kills Idiot and takes control and gets herself a charger and starts mlg 360 noscoping everyone. It turns out her name was Mary Sue and was on the FBI's Most Wanted list for five years, since she tried to poke a hole in the fabric of reality itself using the Eiffel Tower and a Nokia cellphone. She believed she could fly... She got shot by the FBI. Surprisingly, she's not dead, but because of the pain, she can't do anything. Later, she died. Then Sašo walked out of the pyramid, unharmed from the noscoping due to his Lucky Socks of Bullet Deflection.
Meanwhile, Edd was killed by Wheatley, who is then killed by an Octoling, who is then killed by Sonic OC's, who is then killed by pony R34 who is then killed by the Zombies, who are then killed by the plants, who are then killed by FNAF R34, who is then killed by GLaDOS. Inkling respawns from the power of kids, squids and- are we really going to go over this again? Anyway, the power of kids, squids and squidkids was too lame that the inkling died instantly, but then a rock wizard appeared and revived Edd. He is walking on a very oriental sacred place again. Then he tripped on a sacred pebble into a giant river that didn't seem to be there before. He was swept away by the current into a little cave. He stood up and turned on his flashlight that he had been carrying around this entire time—he just knew it would have a use eventually.
On the cave wall there was a cartouche type thingy that read "As the prophecy foretold, QwertymanO07 had used the Checkhov's Gun trope in the story. That happened like 2 seconds ago. He's probably going to do it again right now also. He'll do it in Page 4 too. He probably would've without me saying that, but now he absolutely will do it, just to keep continuity. Either that, or he's contemplating weather or not he should make me wrong. Or he already decided. Anyway, have fun with that Qwerty! :)"
Actually, it didn't say that. TurretBot just felt like messing with QwertymanO07 for a little. Anyway, it actually read, "The prophecy foresees that your mother wears combat boots. Also,
Page 3 Edit
Inkling comes back again. Why? I have no clue. No, really. I have no idea. DON'T EVEN ASK ME I HAVE NO GODDAMN CLUE! And she starts a new page." Just as Edd finished reading it, he looked back and saw the inkling being shot through the head with a sniper rifle. Then, the floor collapsed.
He fell into another chamber where he met Sašo. Edd asked him how he got here, but he just said it was a long story. After about 30 seconds, Inkling showed up in the chamber. She did a little introductory cutscene, then her health bar showed up at the top of the screen.
Sašo recited the scan data he got earlier to Edd, and they both started concentrating their fire on her knees. Then Edd said "Fuck this." and shot a super missile at her neck, but she turned into a puddle of Phazon. Then, when she turned back, Edd shot another super missile at her neck. It brought her down to 1/3-health, but now he was out of missiles. Sašo then shot her a bunch with his revolver, emptying her health bar. She then turned into a puddle of Phazon and evaporated, turning into the improved Inkling who then flew away because reasons.
Meanwhile, A man was in his house. He wrote a story. The story goes: I was only 9 years old. I loved Splatoon so much. I had all the merchandise. I pray to Inkling every night. My dad calls me a **** and sends me to bed.
Let's not go any further unless you want to have bad mental images. Which I do. The story follows:
***** dad ****** * ** *** * *** ** ** portal ** ** ** ***** *** Inkling ** *** ** * ** * * **** *** *** * pillow ** *** * * *** ** **** * and * *** * ** *** ** * * with ** **** ** ** *** ** *** ** Edd ***** ** * *** ** * ** * *** ** ** * * * *** SAZO **** * * * * * hey * * * * * * * * **** * **** * *** ** * **** *** I really *****ing like asterisks. ** *
Why are we doing this again?
Meanwhile, another clumsy segue was about. It interrupted the current story for a less interesting one about night sharks. Did you know that night sharks are nocturnally active predators that feed mostly on squids and small bony fishes?
Meanwhile, Mario jumps out of a bush and stomps some Goombas. You know, Mario stuff. He then finds a pipe that he thinks would lead to a bonus room. Instead, he falls into Aperture Science, and finds GLaDOS. GLaDOS then puts Mario into testing forever. Later, when Mario goes to a elevator, it's fall down to the old Aperture Science stuff with old Cave Johnson recording. He solved most of the tests easily because of his rad jumping skillz. He came back up to find that GLaDOS was already dead, with traces of Phazon on her corpse. The American military was there, and let him stay in America as a refugee.
When Edd and Sašo went down a path in the cave, they ran into Qwerty. Edd said that he thought Qwerty was dead, and he replied that he was, but he touched a weird globe thing with a big "C" on it. Then a notification popped up that read: "Level Complete! You have rescued a crew member! Three remain."
"Well I guess we're stuck with him now." said JOHN CENA! And a rare game appeared...
Undertale. Ren blame Undertale for ruining Undertale, but Nukes started falling! Everyone made it to safety before they hit. 50 days after they hit, word got out that Inkling was the one who launched them! Many countries were furious, so they launched their own nukes.Little did they know that Inkling was safely nestled into her shelter with many things inside, including, but not limited to:
- Massive stockpiles of food and water
- A power generator
- A gas mask
- Lots of medkits
- A radio
- Various weapons
- A map
- Strobe lights and a disco ball(because why not)
She then writes down all the events that happen throughout the day. Meanwhile, a forest in Canada was about to be overrun by mudcrabs. They were already straining resources for the local wildlife, and the people in the nearby cities would not stop talking about them. Someone came by and...
- A) Eliminated the mudcrabs.
- B) Danced around like an imbecile.
- C) Changed this forum game into Choose Your Own Adventure.
- D) Killed Inkling.
- E) Wonder how the hell you're supposed to choose an option, given the format.
While you were thinking about that, Whilst Inkling was in her shelter, she heard someone knocking on the door. She opened it and saw a man in a blue jumpsuit. The man asked Inkling if she had a water chip. A water chip? said Inkling. I don't know what a water chip is. The man then walked off into the wasteland. Meanwhile, someone beat Undertale with the true ending and then the game crashed and Inkling stayed in her shelter for 87 days, and counting
Food and water supplies are running low, and she doesn't have any medkits left after the Deathclaw incident. After all this time in the shelter, her sanity is questionable.
Meanwhile, at Aperture Science someone meanwhile, meanwhile I meanwhiled into meanwhile and meanwhile meanwhile.
Meanwhile, meanwhile, Day 231
Almost all out of food and water, must travel to the wasteland to get some more. Preparing a trip to the wasteland.
As she got out of her shelter, she saw a group of raiders in the distance. She kept her distance and ran away. As she was running, she found what looked to be a large door with the number 100 on it. As she got closer, the door opened and she went inside. She then found out that this is one of those Vaults she has been hearing about on the radio. Inkling then lived in the Vault for the rest of her life.
3000 years later, there was a man named Jack. He decided to go to to the park. He got in his hovercar, but suddenly, meanwhile, a random guy on the internet posted about a man named Jack going to the park in a hovercar. When Jack arrived at the park, he taked up the phone, and saw that post about a man named Jack going to the park in a hovercar. Jack was horrified and directly pressed the report button for "This post is about my private life". But then Jack received a message from a moderator named "Jack" saying "u don know jack shit about reporting". A tsunami came and engulfed all of humanity. This is due to the ice caps melting and the humans all died.
12 million years later...
A subject named Inkling, who worked at Inkorp was testing a new time-travelling device. The purpose of this device was to find out more about what inhabited the Earth before the Inklings existed. She travelled to the year 2015 where she is discovering various activities that humans take part in, along with stuff like politics, religion, history and many other things. She also travelled back to other time periods, including, but not limited to:
The Stone Age
The Dark Ages
And many many more...
Meanwhile, at Pewter Drive(pre massacre), meanwhile, Inkling decided to dig a hole in a region near Pewter Drive. She dug it right through the core of the Earth, all the way to China. She then went to a restaurant, and they were selling calamari. She then asked the store owner what calamari is. The store owner then said: "Calamari is a squid-based dish popular in many regions" She knew. People were eating squid. So she got a job at the store, and poisoned it all. The owner asked her what she was doing, which Inkling then replied: "It adds flavor". Then, the store owner was given a sextillion vigintillon dollar fine. (Sextillion vigintillion is 1 followed by 99 zeros) The store owner was quite pissed off. "Nice job Inkling! You made me lose my store and got me an unpayable fine!" Inkling then grabbed a knife and slit the store owner's throat. She then went on a killing spree, killing everyone at Pewter Drive. Many lives were lost on that day. All because an Inkling got pissed off at a store owner because they sold calamari. She is yet to be caught, but it is rumored that she is heading to Boston.
Meanwhile, in Aperture Science nicewhile,
Meanwhile, in an alternate universe where TurretBot doesn't exist
After Inkling arrived at Boston, she looked at the date. The year is 2077. She watches the news, and then a man in a trench coat showed up. She then signs her name and her S.P.E.C.I.A.L and then walks back. Then nukes fall. She runs to the Vault, in which she hid there. Meanwhile, in Aperture Science GLaDOS's lost evil twin created the gravity energy extender that can destroy the whole world. She's accidently posted about it on the internet, and it traverses multiversal message boards quite quickly, and Jack manages to get his dirty hands- er, eyes- on the story. Jack is frightened, and begins contemplating life. After two hours or so of this, he suddenly realized that there were no original universes that contained him; they were all simulations. From this, he got dental work for free, because he hacked his dental health back to 100. He then hacked his health to 100. Inkling got admin status and banned him. Reasons: Cheating/Hacking. Then, jack joined another server. The other server was actually just a ploy to get back on the original server, which he was able to get to because he didn't exist.
Meanwhile, meanwhile, the word "meanwhile" was stupid so it's got removed from the existence, so meanwhile, Jack (who was also removed from existence) meanwhiled his way into Canada, where the people were still eating calamari. Inkling showed up and murdered everyone. Inkling then woke up in a maze. She saw a green figure in the distance. It was Shrek. Judging by what she's seen on the internet, Inkling then ran away. She found a room with a light. She went in and barricaded the door. Shrek then ran away. She then went outside and saw Sanic. She then ran away. Meanwhile, in Japan, meanwhile, everyone was meanwhiled by Inkling. Meanwhile, they, meanwhile, were also murdered, meanwhile. Meanwhile, Inkling, meanwhile, murdered the entire population of Antarctica, meanwhile, she was forcing humour by putting "meanwhile" in every sentence on some forum thread. However, she didn't notice the giant
Page 4 Edit
new page within said forum. Meanwhile, the forced humor was very hilarious. Meanwhile meanwhile, everyone was, meanwhile, laughing at it. Definitely. Orbital, a fair warning. It was(nt)funny. Meanwhile. Due to Inkling killing so many people, there was, meanwhile, a zombie apocolypse was unfolding. Nobody except the CDC really cared, though, 'cause they cleaned it up in less than a day. It was kind of anti-climactic, really.
Later that day, someone came out of an alleyway. It was Splat Tim. Everyone shouted "He does it!" But i removed Splat Tim from existence, and i slapped Villager103 while screaming "Stop!" I slapped Julien so hard he phased out of existence. Inkling decided to get a job at the power plant. She tells them that by burning all of this coal could make you and everyone else die. Inkling then travelled 12 million years into the future, where she noticed something different. Humans still exist. She then travelled back to 2015 and stopped her past self from getting a job at the power plant. Inkling then travelled into the future, as she feels she has got enough information. Back at Pewter Drive, everyone was brutally murdered by... well, take a wild guess. Yeah, it was Inkling. Big surprise. Meanwhile, Someone was opening a box of stuff. The item he got was:
*Zelda chest sound plays*
The Skarp Lassor Rassor! It's a razor but its a laser! He then attempted to shave his beard with it, but accidentally cut off his head. He then died right there and then. His body (along with the Rassor) was then found in the temple 20 years later, by the Inkling, probably. Who else? Meanwhile, a giant apartment had a man who went to a dilapidated Inkorp building. Inside, he found a box of time machines. He used one, and travelled to the Cretaceous Period. He got chased by dinos, had to eat prehistoric foods, had to survive all this shit, etc. He then noticed an incoming meteorite and decided to leave this time period. Before he could, Inkling came out of nowhere and started attacking with her T-Rex. After many hours, the man killed the T-Rex, which then, Inkling then travelled to another time period. You then keep travelling forward. You got to meet cavemen, explore ancient Egyptian tombs, got to listen to some radical 80's music, went surfing during the 60's, you got to see all the technological advancements in the Far Future, you got to explore medieval castles, and a whole heap of other stuff. However, each time, Inkling tried to kill you with many time-themed creatures, robots and other things. You then travelled to the Mollusk Era. 12 million years in the future, long after the extinction of humanity. Of course, this is Inkling's home time period(is that the correct term?) You have to fight Inkling, but of course, there are even more Inklings. You destroy Inkling's machine. She then has no choice but to corrupt the space-time continuum. You travel back to the present day. A portal opens, and dinosaurs start running out. The past, present and future have all been combined. This may very well be the end.
Meanwhile, in the midst of this disaster, Inkling kills everyone. Meanwhile, due to the corrupt space-time continuum, the universe is destroyed. The only entity left is Inkling. Inkling then gets given a physics gun and a toolgun and is tasked with building a new universe. After a few months, she had one third of a galaxy completed. She has been building more ever since. Meanwhile, on New Earth, Inkling come here in kills everyone again. Is this what she's always do? Yes it is! But why? Who knows! Can this get any more meanwhile-inducingly inconsistent? The answer: no.
Meanwhile, the story said "So Doc, how long do I have left to live?" The Doc was going to respond, but Inkling had already killed the story. Yes, that is a metaphor. Meanwhile, Jack and Edd had a picnic, except instead of food, there were Weighted Storage Cubes, and instead of a picnic blanket, there was a Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button. And there were no picnic baskets or napkins or drink. Oh, and they weren't eating; they were placing the cubes on the button. Sadly, the button could not support two cubes on it since it was the smaller, unnamed variant that was mounted on a pedestal, Inkling then killed them.
Inkling then grabbed both of their corpses, along with a few other ones and bought them back to the future with her. She then came back, but was asked why she kept killing people. She then said "I was learning about their anatomy" "I come from the year 12,000,000 A.D. Just under 12 million years from now" The police then tried to put her in jail, but they didn't know, that she has a squid form. Squids can squeeze between metal bars. They came back, only to find that the cell was empty. She had already found her time machine and travelled away. She never came back. Meanwhile, Inkling saw a mysterious stone mask that, if worn and bloodied, was supposed to give the wearer bizarre powers. (:
The, Inkling put some of her ink onto a steel beam. The steel beam melted. JET FUEL CAN'T MELT STEEL BEAMS. SQUID INK CAN. Phazon-enhanced squid ink, that is. Obviously, normal squid ink can't; I mean, could you imagine the ecological impact if chemicals that caustic were regularly released into the oceans? It would be fucking, and we're trying to keep and E rating, so we can't have that. Inkling then changed the rating to AO. Blood, violence and sex everywhere! Inkling then types these commands into the console:
This change then gave every human and squid (now inklings) on the planet 9000 mini nukes, since the console ignores capitalization and confused Inkling with inkling.
And so, every inkling on the planet fired all of their 9000 mini nukes at once. Due to the invun command, they never die. The game lags due to all the bullets. Then it crashes.
Meanwhile, the doctor yelled "Dammit! We're losing him! We're losing the story! Get me 200mg of literature!" After forcing the pill down the story's mouth, the users within the story starded to read the literature and slowly realized that there were no other stories in which video games were referenced so heavily. They began to discover that that there were no other stories in which video games were referenced so heavily. Additionally, since there are no other stories which reference video games so heavily, no other stories have the same amount of video game references. They then started complaining about the heavy amount of video game references which have lead to a heavy amount of video game references.
Mari0_Player then stepped in to interrupt the argument, revealing that Lays® is now putting their delicious new Turtle & Santa Hat™ Lays on sale for only 5¢! Unfortunately, the users could not get to any store where they selled Lays since they lived inside of the story and could not get out.
Inkling then toyed around with the console for a bit.
She decided to spawn 500 clones of herself.
So she did. Each clone had access to the console too. They wreaked havoc together. Inkling then noticed that the game was glitching. The glitch was consuming the whole universe. Inkling then typed this command:
After performing the rollback, the world was returned to normal. She
then let everything advance like normal, without her intervention with
the command console. Inkling then travelled back to the future. She was
never seen again.
Meanwhile, a man named Edward was applying for testing at a lab named Squid Inc. He was going there to test the new cryo-pod. He was frozen inside the pod. The control group said they would keep him frozen for 12 thousand years. However, during this time, the whole planet flooded in the year 3015. Well, most of it anyway. Humanity went extinct. Exept for Edward, as he was frozen in his cryo-pod. 12 million years later, the cryo-pod's reserve liquid nitrogen tanks ran out, thus Edward was thawed. He woke up, wondering why the lab was so decrepit and overgrown. Little did he know, he is living 12 million years in the future, in an era where humanity is long gone. He then went to the main area, where the path to the exit was blocked by an airlock door. The door requires a keycard to open. The keycard is on the other side of a door, which has caved in. Edward then looks around for another way in, but the room is completely shut. You then see a catwalk leading to a large door. "Huh", you think to yourself. "When I came here, this was never here". You walk along the catwalk and into the door. The door leads to Testing Track 43, where Squid Inc. was testing the Gravitational Manipulators. They are glove-like pieces of technology that can manipulate the gravity of objects around it. You see a door that is blocked by a large box. You use the GM's to move it out of the way. You then proceed to the testing track.
Edward (better known by and previously referred to as Edd) was using his flashlight to see. The place did not have many light sources active forobvious reasons. He used the Gravity Glove on himself to flip gravity, just like
. He breezed through the testing track, 'cause no one thought that was possible. At the end of the testing track, he found the keycard. He then made his way back to the exit and opened the door. He then saw another door. He used his keycard on this door as well. You were suprised they actually work, seeing as it has been 12 million years. The door opened, allowing him to exit the facility. He looked outside, thinking that he was okay. Everything looked normal. Nothing looked out of place to him. He walked down to the neighborhood in the distance. He thought he was at home, until he saw inklings everywhere. He was then tested on by the inklings over at Inkorp.
Back in the present day,
Qwerty went back home, only to find a corpse in the living room that looked exactly like him impaled on a misplaced spike. His first thought was: "Man, did somebody clone me again!?" His second thought was "Wow, is my hair really that greasy?"
Edd's tale is way more interesting, though, so we're switching back to that. Suddenly, Edd stopped halfway through one of the testing periods and said to himself "Qwerty's hair is so greasy, i'm out of here!" He opened the developer console and used it to travel back in time. Once there, he went to Qwerty's house and told him to go take a shower.
Qwerty then took a shower, but suddenly... Nothing happened! Except that
Edd then did a rollback to prevent himself from using the dev console. He then disabled the dev console. Life continued as normal.
Then, there was an event about to come on. Super Crossover Kart! Where characters from many different game worlds race each other in a kart race!
Inkling decided to join, but she was tired from all the partying yesterday. She ended up falling asleep at the wheel before the race started. Once the race started, Inkling just sat there, doing nothing. The race continued as normal. Steve grabbed an item block and got his trusty diamond pickaxe, and started caving people's skulls in. The race was chaotic, with blood going everywhere, explosions and other crazy shit. After a while, there were only 3 racers left. Inkling(who is still asleep at the wheel), Mario and Sackboy. Sackboy, who was behind Mario, got an Experimental MIRV from an item block. You know? That weapon from Fallout that launches a bunch of mini-nukes at once? Sackboy fired it, and it blew Mario to shreds. Sackboy was laughing, until he noticed that the road has been blown away by the nukes. He then falled into the crater. A piece of the road fell off and crushed Sackboy underneath. Inkling was then woken up by a man in a business suit. Inkling then said "Did I win?" The man then said "Well, all the other racers are dead, so I guess you won?" So Inkling went home with her trophy, knowing that she won by doing absolutely nothing. She travelled back to the future, where she showed all of her friends.
Meanwhile, in the year 3015,
Page 5 Edit
the whole planet flooded. We already went over that. Meanwhile, on December 27th, 2015, 11:17:07 pm, user TurretBot created the 5th page of the Collective Tale forum game on the Stabyourself.net Forum.
Then, he killed himself. You know why?
Shrek flew through his bedroom window. You can guess where this is going. Later investigations found that it was actually a murder. Shrek was sentenced to a life sentence with no chance of parole. Turret then walked into the courtroom and told the judge that it should really only be battery, since he respawned just fine. Shrek's sentence was reduced to 20 years.
On the 5th of March, 3015, a man named Anthony was enjoying his life, until, well... The flood happened. He had already heard about cities near the coast getting completely submerged, so he built a boat. When the flood happened, he got into his boat and set sail. All he had was a bed, a stove, distilling equipment and a fishing rod. His journey began.
|Cans of food are already on the ship, so I won't need to worry about food for a while. Many corpses and debris floating on the surface.|
I will need to have food and water every 5 days, or I might end up dead.
Man, I wish I moved to Alpha Centauri.
|I've decided to do some fishing. Bad idea, as I ended up getting attacked by a giant squid! I barely made it out alive. What if it comes back?|
My skull has been broken.
"Well, that was depressing." said Edd, "And this is your last remnant of humans?"
|Note: Who's Edd? My name is Anthony!|
|I'm going to have some nasty scars if these wounds ever heal.
Survival Guide: New Entry: Nobody messes with giant squids. NOBODY.
Note: I wonder what those squids will be like after a few million years.
Also, I'm not sure who called me Edd. That was kind of weird, like it didn't even happen to me, yet it did.
"Well, it was, until I met you," they replied. Edd thought for a minute, before finally asking, "What year is it?"
"I don't know, I set the time machine to random."
You do remember that Edd was the guy frozen in one of the cryo-pods at Squid Inc, right? Anyway, back to the story.
|I was looking through my storage locker, until I found some scuba gear. Should I go down there?
It had never occured to Anthony that he was slowly going insane. He was asking his journal what to do, for goodness' sake!
|I ate some food and drank some water.
I decided to explore the murky depths. The whole city is submerged. Where should I go?
|Should Anthony go to:
A) His old neighborhood
I went back to my old house, and was overcome with grief. A giant squid swam close.
"Yep, he's dead." commented Edd. "Hey, did the giant squids evolve into inklings?" he asked a nearby inkling. "No, we evolved from a weird slime mold." he replied.
He then noticed. A man in Power Armor approached. He then yelled
"THAT INKLING IS A GODDAMN SYNTH!" Inklings evolved from squids! That inkling was lying! She was a synth. Anthony was still alive as he hid inside a rusty car. He hid there until the squid went away. He looted the house. He found:
- 5 food
- A jar of antibiotics
- A few scraps of steel, wood and copper
- and a half-eaten pizza, which he didn't take.
Also, just as an unrelated side note, Villager103 made literally half of the posts on this page (up to this post). But anyway, Edd, eager to get some more answers, went to the pizza restorent to repair his half-eaten pizza that he taked.
He also eated a lot of pizza, and now he's very fat, he couldn't even move. He flipped onto the ceiling, but he was too fat so he broke through. "Well, that's one way to leave this place," he said, floating up into (presumably) space.
My name is not Edd!
|Just got back from my expedition. I almost got mauled by that giant squid again.|
Okay, this is getting boring. Let's fast forward a bit, to say, 5/1/3054.
Anthony then found a strange looking pod floating across the ocean. He got inside the pod, thinking nothing would happen. He then got cryogenically frozen until 12,000,000 A.D, where he woke up. He got out, but saw Inklings. He then saw an Inkling who worked at Inkorp. She looked exactly like the one that killed everyone at Pewter Drive. How did he find out? On an old internet archive. She then told him "Come into the alley, I have something cool to show you!" You went into the alley with her. These words she said were the final words he ever heard. "Maybe I'll pull my skirt up a little? No, you're DEAD!" she said as she slit Anthony's throat. She then proceeded to hide the corpse in a dumpster. Meanwhile, on the year 3015. 7 days until the flood.
That was a kind of odd place to end that sentence. Anyway, Edd was floating in space to get to Jupiter, since he heard there was a theory about special life in there. He's now in jupiter, and that theory was true, now he actually float around the surface of jupiter since there's hydrogen everywhere, and have a pizza party with those weird non-water life. Unfortunately, his gravity glove was still on, so he got repelled from the planet at high speeds. He unflipped and landed back on Earth.
== Suddenly, Mari0_Player made the wiki page ever so slightly harder to edit! But he then realized that Wikia was nice enough to provide special tags for that exact situation, so he didn't really do a whole lot. Hence the "ever so slightly". He was, however, making it a lot harder to comprehend. Inkling then travelled back to the present day and burnt the Wikia servers. She then travelled back.
Wikia then found Inkling and killed her and then they put up replacement servers. They were the best company in the world that deserves to have all of the attention, and they were going to prove they were more of Mary Sues than that crappy video game character. Jimbo Wales then head out to the local cafe, where he sat down to have a nice cup of coffee to celebrate the defeat of Inkling. After a second or two of marvelling at the discounted prices, he ordered a plain old cup of some coffee with nothing in it. While he was drinking it, a man tapped his shoulder and said "Did you kill Inkling the mary sue from splatoon??" and Jimbo said "Yes I did I'm proud of it and having coffee for it." then the man was angry and tried to punch him, but jim said "oh no you dont" and pulled out his super strong wiki sord wich kills everythign and kiled the man! evry1 aplauded him and he wuz a celbraty den he got 5000000$$$$$$$$$$ teh end of tis marvelos stroy
The man then punched Jimbo Wales, because he failed to actually use the sword. The man then stole it, then stabbed Wales. They both exploded into orange goop. What happened next was covered up by all the orange goop, so instead we're going to go to Edd, who missed the orange goop because he hadn't landed back on Earth yet when it happened. However, when he finally did land back on Earth, He saw Inkling. Inkling had a Dead Ringer. Inkling then saw Edd. Inkling then killed Edd.
Meanwhile, at the ruins of Squid Inc, Edd respawned. "Man, I knew that 1-up would be useful," he proclaimed, referencing some event we haven't written about yet, "That Inkling's probably gonna come back and kill me again. I'll need more 1-ups..." Looking around for something to help him gain more 1-ups, he then noticed a Koopa walking down a giant staircase. Being a professional SMB player, he instantly knew what to do...
"Slaying and eating a Koopa was harder than I thought, but at least I absorbed its soul... no wait, it's ghosts you have to eat. Aww man..." He searched for another source of 1-ups, and found one: in a cage in a compound. Edd then stepped on a landmine and died.
The story now follows a mercenary under the name of Paul. Literally under Paul's name, by the way. The mercenary's name is actually Edd. Alphabetically sorted by last name, he falls under Paul's name. Paul saw a computer with on screen, a save named "STORY01_AUTOSAVE". He then selected it and loaded it. He feeled something weird in the air, like if spacetime was ripping apart or something.
He's now Edd and remember everything of what happened before that save. He also remember the landmine where he died. Since it's a autosave, he didn't died and was just next to the landmine, so he make sure to not screw up on a landmine. He also make sure to look if there's any trap.
There were none, just a pipe with a switch labeled "MUSHROOM MACHINE". Edd flipped the switch, and poison mushrooms came out. He cursed. Just before his body completely turned to mush, he noticed a dial. He reloaded the last autosave, stepped over the landmine, and this time set the dial to "ONEUP" before pressing the switch. Hundreds of Oneups flowed from the machine; there was no way he would run out now.
After collecting all of the one-ups and feeling nearly invincible, a giant cherry fell out of the machine and killed him. The last thing he saw before he respawned was "GAME OVER - Press R to try again." He respawned right when he activated the ONEUP switch. There was nothing coming out (autosave at every oneup), then a giant cherry fell out of the machine. Edd tried to not get killed, he did not get killed by the cherry.
Meanwhile, Sašo was still in the cave from page 3. "What the hell, did you guys forget about me‽" he exclaimed. "No, we're right here." said Edd also had bop it in his hands. That was all that Sašo cared about. A man then walked over to Sašo and then started beating him with a nail bat. Sašo then threw a rock at the man. The man then pulled out a chainsaw, but before he could chop Sašo up, an inkling appeared and blew the man's head off with a shotgun. Before Sašo could repay the inkling, the inkling dissapeared into thin air. Figuring he was simply lucky enough to survive another one of Inkling's insanity-driven massacres, he gets over it and looks for a way out of the cave.
Then he finds a man who is looking for a teleportation chip. He says he saw a man with it passing by earlier. You set off and try to find the chip, but before you do, you find a man with a small handgun. He shoots you twice, but an inkling appears out of thin air and shoots you in the head, killing you instantly.
This story now follows an Inkling, who I will not name. She heard of an inkling who time travelled, which she thought was quite interesting. She got a job at Inkorp, and she started testing a few products. After a few years or so of hard work and diligent effort, she found the answer to a problem once thought impossible at Inkorp: how to turn on a fan. Worried that she was about to be fired, she attempted to do everything she possibly could with one of the fans provided by Inkorp: throw it in a blender, scribble profanities all over it, fire at it with a machine gun, etc. until she realized that one of the sockets in the walls was identical to the plug on the back of the fan. She plugged the fan in, and the fanblades suddenly started to spin and produce a calm breeze. Amazed by this, her managers declared her the new Mary Sue Inkling and executed the old one because she wasn't important anymore.
Page 6 Edit
Inkorp didn't notice that the old inkling had a Dead Ringer. The two inklings then lived together for the rest of their lives.
Meanwhile, in TF2...
Hilarious, isn't it?
Meanwhile... potatoes were being farmed at an alarming rate. It would be only two months now until every single potato in existence would be farmed. There was only one person who opposed it: a female mercenary named Orgasmo.
Mrs. Orgasmo then killed all of the potato farmers and then made chips for julien, they were delicious just like lays. She then got arrested because, I mean shit, that's like at least 7 counts of murder and breaking and entering. Potato farmers got back here and farmed potatoes, just like the dead old potato farmers.
Potato was the word said by Mari0_Player every post. Pot is another word for a fuckface that was named by a raider in the middle of the Wasteland who smoked a lot of marijuana. He loved the marijuana so much that he ate it, slept in a bed made of it and performed sexual practices with it until an Inkling came up and killed him with a very specific alternate definition of the word Pot.
DOORITOOOS PLEASE MORE DORITOS AND DEATHRUNNNN !!!!!!!!!!! The entire universe shattered to pieces when someone by the name of 'espioner' shouted the most out-of-context thing ever heard. So Mari0_Player said Potato and died while the universe died. And John Cena pooped his pant for the first time. Congratulations, Cena. At least you only pooped one pant.
Meanwhile, Billiam went for a walk to the place with the thingy thing happening. As described http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5JDypdHNnw in this video. and then there was a rainbow with ponies. They then went to a restaurant and ate food (obviously). Suddenly, ninjas showed up and shot them with arquebuses. Because of the inaccuracy of the gun, nobody was hurt, and the ninjas got arrested for attempted murder.
Later that day, they used me, FOR LAND DEVELOPMENT TO CREATE A HUGE EXCAVATION SO INKORP CAN EXPAND DEEPER UNDERGROUND.
Later that day, a flying rainbow elephant ate a 100000 bean burrito and then he farted rainbows that flew into space while smoking huge amounts of PCP. It was the only thing keeping him sane, since he could no longer fly in space. Unable to die, even though he wished for it, he eventually stopped thinking about rainbows and started thinking about /r/fivenightsatfappys. The elephant then died due to all the cringe.
Director ........................... FuriousHedgehog
Writer ...................................... TurretBot
Producer . Some weird guy we found on the street
Edd ............. John Jacob Jinglehiemer Schmidtt
The Elephant ...................... James Earl Jones
Edd's Grandma .............................. Gertrude
MagicPillow ............................... As Himself
0>0 ..................................... The Engineer
King Tutankhamun ...................... As Himself
Terrible OC #1 ...................... QwertymanO07
Terrible OC #2 ........................... Villager103
GLaDOS ................................. Ellen McLain
Sašo ..................................... Sašo Smolej
The Story ................................ Edward Tale
The Story's Doctor ...... Like Frank or something?
Shrek .................................... Julien12150
Anthony ................................ Marc Antony
...But then another big bang happened and another universe was created, starting off at the exact same point of time that the previous one ended, with every little detail carried over, no matter how irrelevant they are to the story. Man, this feels so cheap. Edd did not care, however, as it now means that he has a starring role in the sequel. Edd did care about why the narration had feelings, and went out of his way to try to prevent it, as he did not appreciate the style. However, Edd is a complete asshole person who is
actively trying to censor the story in this movie in order to completely remove emotion from the narrator get some money.
Meanwhile, a random scavenger shot a Deathclaw's eyeball out with a pipe pistol. The Deathclaw then became a pirate and refused to ever pay money for candy and whores. A rainbow pop tart cat then started motorboating, bothering all the people fishing from boats. The fishermen then slam-dunked the pop tart cat into infinity. The pop tart cat then died in the marsian hell.
Page 7 Edit
"Look at me, I'm Shank," said Turret; the joke is that there was a person who spammed a single period in every thread for no reason, named Shank, but the joke is lost, since his double posting made a new page, so most people won't see his previous post, which was just the period ending the previous sentence. Turret then looked into the sky and the pop tart cat appeared and crushed him. Turret then started furiously being dead. His corpse then put on a huge scowl, for he had all sorts of insults and grievances for it. The cat lived on, blissfully unaware.
The cat later limped into the emergency room, as its legs were broken. It was admitted into the hospital and examined by Dr. Mario and his TV Tropes looked at the date. October 23rd, 2077. They ran to the local Vault, Vault 122. The door closed before they could get in. They then looked into the distance as they were incinerated by Atom's Glow. Meanwhile, in 2101, war was beginning. All your base are belong to the waste management center. (Also, unrelated, but the entire story up to this point is now available in audio-book format courtesy of Mariofan064, and you can have a listen for yourself right here.) But anyway, back to the war beginning in 2101 AD. Unless it's actually 2101 BC, but it probably isn't, because otherwise that Zero Wing reference would have been weird.
Anyway, Edd was walking into the hangar bay when the pop tart cat appeared again. The pop tart cat then started having sex with the VIllager103. Edd laughed at it and the pop tart cat and the Villager103 disappeared. Edd was not a very quiet voyeur. Meanwhile in hell, the devil see the pop tart cat and the Villager103 having sex, what a horrible thing to see. Anyway, Edd destroyed the universe so all things ended. A new universe was created. In this universe, there was a man in a normal family. But then another explosion happened, causing a revert in time. Things then went back to the way they where before, even before Edd destroyed the universe and Villager103 had sex with a poptart. Villager103 then prevented himself from doing that, and things went on from there.
Edd called for security, and a couple of soldiers entered the room and shot themselves with Turret. By which I of course mean TurretBot Opera; he has guns in his butt. He pulls his pants down and starts shooting, only to get arrested by the NSFW police. At the trial, his defense was that he's a robot, so it doesn't really matter that his butt was showing anyway. The judge took this into consideration, and accused him of not being guilty. He asked Turret if he'd ever done anything this legal before; to which he answered "no", as it was his first time not being arrested. He was sentenced to 50 sentences beginning with, "What" and ending with "kiddo." Turret, however, was not happy with this, so he pulled out his